Sick Day

You were out sick that day,
the day I realized how much trouble this all has been,
and yet I still cannot fully let you go.

Staring at your empty desk,
picturing where my gift had been,
standing, waiting, taking in the quietness of your empty stare.
Where is it now, the little memento I have left behind?

Is it stuck in a dark corner?
Trapped in your tightly shut drawer, crying out.
No response, and no release...

Am I too, the prisoner of your abandoned fortress?
Left alone, waiting in the deafening silence.
A captive of your shameful glory?

Am I so easily dismissable?
So readily disposable?
Have I never registered into your mind,
never fully convinced you,
that I am so utterly alive?

You were out sick that day,
the day I realized how much trouble this all has been.
I stood up, and cried.

Your Pitiful Reflection

Can't you show me a little respect?
Try a bit harder, think a bit faster!
Why won't you reply when I write?
Pick up when I call?
Why can't you spare a minute to say hi,
not just when you feel like it?

I am tired of your disrespect.
Please consider my feelings for once,
because they are not like yours.
I am a person just like you,
staring back on the wrong side of our love-hate relationship.

Won't you be a little nicer?
Think before you speak, stop before you judge.
Am I so despicable, that you won't even let me be the person I am meant to be?

I just want you to treat me
like you would anyone else.
Stop putting me down, writing me off,
laughing at your perceived "immaturity".

There is no one more naive than you.
You, who have never known genuine kindness,
sincere laughter, warmest of smiles.
I am your prey because I offered you all of that and more.

Are you running from me, or are you running from the demon within you?

Are you angry at me, or at the reflection through my eyes?
A helpless little boy lost in the maze of his own heart,
shivering in fear.

Stop projecting onto me!
I am not your inflatable punch bag.
I am not your decades-old doormat.
You are never as pitiful as you think you are.
You are no better than a whining brat who is too lazy to reach for the stars.

When will you wake up from your self pity,
and see the truth behind your binding negativity?
I am but dull physical flesh,
offering a feathered reflection that no one else can.

Look into the mirror and seek yourself.
Ask yourself why I am now leaving you?
I cannot be your mirror forevermore.
You have shattered me with your inability to love, and your pleasure to scorn.

At the receiving end of your unending self-hatred,
who should I pity more,

You, or myself?

Egotistical

Growing up admired, adored,
never hearing a "no".
Waking up so smart, so strong,
failure I would never show.

I was the most wonderful child,
the brightest student,
the most obedient girl,
the bravest maiden.

and my perfect existence
in my perfect world,
absolutely do no wrong.

and when I have made a mistake,
or said the wrong things,
everything was forgotten by dawn.

That is why I am so egotistical,
living in the fantastical,
shunning the practical,
betraying what's natural.

It's why I am so obsessively critical,
repulsively judgmental,
embracing the maniacal,
loathing the inevitable.

and my pride gets in the way
of my interactions every day.
Words escaped that can't be recalled,
Actions that make even I appalled.

and this flaw of mine,
seems larger-than-life.
No matter how hard I've tried,
I'm always a step behind.

Who will care for me, and save me from myself?

Phoenix Reborn

A suffocating night
made glorious by this unnerving sight.
I tried to catch my breath,
but this marathon never ends.

Didn't you know that I've got to get away,
away from this pain?
Didn't you see this coming?
I'm leaving your reality, dreams amidst my wings.

The world does not exist upon your shoulders.
The sun refuses your commands.
I am not a gullible actor,
trotting on the fragile stage you've set.

There is no second chance.
There is no turning back.
All that is between us are memories left
of the time you've strangled me to my death.

Time will heal all pain but mine,
so I must leave time behind.
I paved the way to my own destination,
and from there, the bridge to our salvation.

Didn't you know that this day would come
when we must say goodbye?
Didn't you prepare for this moment,
the funeral of our lies?

I am waiting for my moment to shine,
to arise from the ashes like a phoenix in the sky.
I will reborn under the vivid twilight,
flapping my wings towards the horizon that will once again be mine.

Half a Salvation

Constant darkness,
Endless sadness.
Drunken evenings,
Hopeless musings.

Time flies by;
a blur of visions.
Night stretches on;
strapped in the present.

The Neverland I have never reached,
Mocks me at the end of time.
Blazing sirens,
Flashing lights,
Leading me to the Hall of White.

I am here by your decree,
and am now left alone.
Where is my savior,
when I shiver naked in the cold?

Traffic of whispers,
Rush of nerves.
Silent sufferings,
Emptiness burns.

You've rescued me from my lonesome world,
only to throw me back for more.
You've saved me from the Room of Gloom,
only to stop me at the door.

You are half a hero,
half a martyr.
Made me half of a whole.
I feel half-better.

A half-hearted job done on a broken soul.
A half-minded lie repeatedly told.
Do you know that you can never return to whole,
when you give out half-pieces of your soul?

A half of me you call your own.
The other half slowly erodes.
In the consciousness of my half-existence,
May I leave before the end unfolds?

I only want to be saved as a whole,
so I can finally feel complete on my own.
But you have never followed through...
I need you to follow through.

So farewell my half-hero,
our half-destinies have untangled.
Someone somewhere will fill my soul.
I will one day again be whole.

Last Exit Before Crazyville

A rollercoaster is less thrilling
than the ups and downs of our feelings.
A second, or third chance was all I've got,
but with you...

You are exceptional.

You're my mother, my brother,
my lover, my friend.
My multi-colored morning sun.
My answer-to-all Coke and rum.

For every criticism you gave,
in return I showered you with warmth and kindness;
and every condescending tone in which you spoke,
was met with infinite tolerance and open-mindedness.

With every shred of my dignity,
I gave away all that I hold dear,
because of that speck of imperceptible hope,
that one day you will see clear.

But the price I pay for this make-believe martyrdom!

To give myself away until nothing's left.
To betray my mind and my values kept.

Because I am exceptional.

You are my future, my past,
my first, my last.
You are my glory, my shame,
my reality, my fate.

My life surrounds you.
I am who you are.
And with my last attempt for sanity,
I must push you out and leave you far.

You have consumed my truth.
I must recover from this hurt.
End this Parasitic Love Affair.
Our lies buried deep beneath the dirt.

Because without you, I am stronger.
Without you, I fight better.
Without you, I smile wider.
Without you, I go further.

At this last step before Judgment,
I have nothing to lose, and all to gain.
You will no longer ignite my fears,
nor instigate a thousand tears.

All hope is lost,
of ever saving you from your endless sorrows.
I will no longer make this meaningless sacrifice.
the same I hope you will one day realize.

Because babe, it's every man for himself now.

Save the World

In this confusing world of pink hearts and lullabies,
I struggle to pick the truths from the lies.
but I came up with nothing.
and damn ashamed of the nakedness of my being.

Is this really me?
I have fallen gracelessly.
I am the black sheep on a wool blanket,
shitting on all that I call my own.

Fuck this modern nightmare.
Society has created a two-faced monster.
Jump on the band wagon and disappear,
Stay on the road only if you dare.

There is an unsaid protocol,
governing this fucked up generation.
You can only rebel so much,
only escape so far,
before you are pulled back into this utter misery.

and I laugh at those who have fallen,
in this wasted battle.
Whiny little brats with Nerf guns in hand,
stars of our real-life Truman Show.

Freedom has a price,
and we can't afford it.
Mastercard better pull this account,
or life will be over as we know it.

There is so little left to say,
but so much more to do.
All we know is to scream and shout,
while the heroes are out to pay our dues.

For every ten people breathing on this world,
ten thousand more spawn.
For every dozen cookies our mommies bake,
millions more are thrown away, past their expiration dates.

None of that makes any sense,
the irony of a rational species.
Why try to change the world,
when our current problems are only given "maybe"s?

Fuck it all, I'm going back to sleep.
You can try to find answers in the oceans deep.
Better come back before the lands have sunken,
and nations destroyed from pride and arrogance.

So go and save the world damn it.