Desperation

I am lonely, and desperate.
I am crying, and fumbling.

Will you please hold my hand?
Will you just comfort me?
Will you tear me apart,
our bodies bared.
So for that split second,
I can feel the happiness so out of reach.

The girl inside me is hollering for the
Prince of Hell to steal her away from this rotten Garden of Eden.

My return to reality is only an illusion,
driven by my fear of impossibility.

I am not ready to let go.
I am not willing to lay low.
I can only pretend to be the perfect girl in your eyes.

but my being struggles,
in the Garden of Good and Evil.

I am never who you see,
and you are never who I need.

This is the cycle I find myself rolling in.

Because I am lonely, and desperate;
I am crying, and fumbling.
and screaming, and dying.

My Outlet

I haven't blogged for the longest time... I used to have a Xanga, and a LiveJournal, and the MySpace blog... but then after awhile I've decided to stop writing.

Something that I've always done on a blog is to post all the random poetry that I write. I write a lot, I write whenever I am feeling emotional, or bored, or inspired. I have been writing songs lately, and therefore am always looking for inspiration to hit.

Well today my inspiration came... maybe more depression than inspiration... but it sums up my week:



Addiction

I am falling, falling deep within a jungle of wet sand.
Writhing, screaming, calling for this pretense to end.

But it never does.

and it grows, and it grows within me,
seeping through my organs and bones.

Took me over, left me stranded,
in this airless space with nothing to call my own.

I am not myself.
I am not myself.

I am lost, trapped, stuck,
in the deepest layer of this mass, green Paradise.
Waiting for the resolution that will never come.

I am running through the jungle of my insanity.
Savoring every touch from thorns cut deep into my skin.

This is my road to self-destruction,
and I am striding towards the ending I've never intended to make.

I am not myself.
I am not myself.

I am the Queen of this Jungle.
Instigator of my Armageddon,
and nothing will save me from myself.